I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
