i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize