Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
