Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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