When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you had me at cake vodka
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
