What a fucking waste of an outfit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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