I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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