He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
