Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
