8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
