i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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