Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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