fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
