Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
