U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
