I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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