you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
