Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
