remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
