dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They have beer where we have blood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
