Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
