Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
