If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We had sex on a dog bed..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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