he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
