we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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