So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
