Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
