This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
