you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
