He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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