How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
