I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
