I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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