just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
