You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
