Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its liver damage thursday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
