Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
