i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
