yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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