Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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