i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
