Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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