I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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