i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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