Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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