she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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