So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
