Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
