North Korea, Best Korea!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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