Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
