I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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