Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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