So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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