Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
