dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
