She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm both gender and math confused
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize