my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
