At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
