in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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