I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
