Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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