I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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