the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
