I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
