Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
