You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
