This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
