dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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