i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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