Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize